Hello, friends! As I’m sure you’ve noticed, things have been a bit sparse around here lately. A lot has been going on, and I haven’t been sure how or if it was something I wanted to get into here. I keep things pretty real in this space, but I also try to keep them light and somewhat pleasant. Anyway, I wanted to give you guys an update and let you know that I am going to try to get things back on track as soon as I can.
First of all, yours truly let her acupuncturist talk her into stepping down her meds finally. We tried this right after I first started seeing her, with a certain amount of success. I went from full dose of two meds to a half dose of a single. We’ve spent the last year getting my body calibrated, and for two or three months now, she has been encouraging me to do another step down. I’ve resisted, things have been so busy, but with the new year offering up a long weekend, I decided to give it a try. The last two weeks have been absolutely miserable. I assumed that this round would be exactly like the first, but I’ve had every bad reaction/withdrawal symptom possible. I’ve had to make emergency trips to the acupuncturist just to keep the constant dizziness to a level that allows me to function. FINALLY the last couple days have been almost bearable, and I’ve been able to get more done than stumble through work and curl up on the couch as soon as I get home.
To top it all off, I am still trying to unravel all of the convoluted mess that is left in the wake of losing my dad. He had no will, so no one will talk to me; I had to hire a lawyer to help me navigate the legal quagmire. Even still, things are daunting, and I feel like I am striding forward as quickly and purposefully as I can, only to look up and realized that somehow I’ve circled back to where I was before. Hours of work with nothing to show for it but frustration (and a few tears). All of the uncertainty and banging my head against the wall is really messing with the grieving process. I can’t move past where I am and I get mad at my dad for leaving me to figure everything out and then I feel guilty for getting mad. In the worst moments, I start worry about losing my mom and how I’ll be “alone” because all my immediate family will be gone. It’s crazy: I have Andy and loads of extended family not to mention all of his family, but I get in that place and sometimes chocolate can’t fix it.
Anyway, that is where I’ve been and what has been going on. I am going to try to get things back to normal, but I sincerely appreciate how patient you guys have been with me.
Image from here.